Effects Of A Narcissistic Mother

Children of a narcissistic mother experience situations that not all children get to know. The mother’s behavior shapes her children.

When we speak of a narcissistic mother in this context , we are not talking about a mother who is in love with herself, but really about mothers who are suffering from the narcissistic personality disorder. This personality disorder has effects on the children.

When do you speak of a narcissistic mother?

A narcissistic mother suffers from a narcissistic personality disorder. Colloquially, a particularly self-loving person who may admire himself is referred to as a narcissist. This term has negative connotations, but does not mean that the person named is actually mentally ill.

People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder are noticeable in their behavior. You are practically constantly busy getting attention, admiration, or recognition. Such people show no or very little empathy, so they cannot or hardly put themselves in other people’s shoes.

Narcissists in the clinical sense permanently overestimate their abilities and have an excessive urge for validity with which they are constantly occupied in order to impress others. This can be done in a confident way, but it can also be acted out coquettishly and shyly just as effectively.

Effects on the social environment

Children of a narcissistic mother in particular are constantly exposed to the behavior of their confidante and are of course influenced by it. Children of a narcissistic mother experience her exaggerated pretensions, bragging rights, cheating, and anger when their expectations are not met.

A particular specialty of a narcissistic mother is to humiliate her children and partners in order to put herself in the foreground.

If the child of a narcissistic mother does not bring her enough recognition or expresses criticism of her behavior, the mother will quickly become aggressive. This behavior is also evident when a narcissistic mother is given too little recognition or even an offense.

Lack of empathy

The lack of empathy, in particular, is particularly difficult for children of narcissistic mothers. Mothers affected by narcissistic personality disorder can perceive the wishes, feelings and needs of their children or partners, but do not want to take note of them. They simply lack the willingness to respond or to be considerate.

Such mothers do not listen to their children or do not listen properly, do not pay enough attention to them, do not want to understand them and accordingly do not support them or support them too little. Some narcissists have rehearsed certain “empathetic” reactions like a drama and only use them if they create a personal advantage.

Lack of critical faculties

Another characteristic of narcissists is their inability to deal with criticism. A child’s “no” is therefore perceived by a narcissistic mother almost like an attack on her own personality. Accordingly, mothers react aggressively to negative comments from their children.

Children of a narcissistic mother find it difficult to understand and assess such behavior and are intimidated and restricted in their freedom of expression. The mothers, in turn, react with increased anger and explosive fits of anger, which only make the children even more insecure.

Co-narcissists

Children or partners of a narcissistic mother are often referred to as “co-narcissists”.

Narcissists constantly abuse, manipulate, and exploit others in order to achieve their own goals. For example, such a goal could be intensive personal care (not only in old age). Narcissistic people play empathy until they have achieved what they want. After that, children or partners are practically dropped.

The consequences for such “co-narcissists” are grave. Especially when it comes to children who grow up under a narcissistic mother. Most of the children of affected mothers seek psychological help or join self-help groups. Often, however, such narcissistic behavior patterns are passed on to children through upbringing or imitation.

How do children deal with it?

Children of a narcissistic mother are exposed to the personality disorder of their trusted person. The first step in old age is to recognize the mother’s personality disorder and respond accordingly. It will not be possible to get the mother to go to psychotherapy because she considers herself inviolable.

The only option for children and partners is to withdraw from the narcissistic mother in order to minimize negative effects on their own personal development. Recognize the manipulation and set boundaries by not doing everything a narcissistic person wants you to do.

You can never please a narcissist. Even if it’s your mother, it’s good for both of you to be at a distance so that conflicts don’t constantly escalate.